it's always darkest before the dawn

"And I am done with my graceless heart,

so tonight I'm going to cut it out

and then restart..."

-

So I've probably listened to this song about two dozen times today.

No joke.

I heard it for the first time a the other night and from the first time through it was like that shot "aimed right at my throat" (in the best way possible) (no really, there's a good way for that to happen, trust me on this one).

Every day God is giving me new opportunities to restart - to recognize something not quite right in my life and make a change for the better. In doing that, I swear to you, I can feel a lightening in myself; I truly feel like I am becoming a more honest, more solid and more vulnerable version of me.

And yes, I realize that word "vulnerable" may sound bad but I  mean that in the most amazing way: I am finally allowing myself to be vulnerable in that I am open to what the Spirit wants to do in my life. And it feels incredible.

(It makes me think of a line in the movie King Arthur where Lancelot is questioning Arthur's faith saying something to the effect of, "I don't trust any god that brings a man to his knees." To which Arthur responds, "No man fears to kneel before a God he trusts.")

If you've ever meandered through these here interwebs, you may know that I have this theory about music - I don't think music should be defined as "Christian" or "secular", as if the two are mutually exclusive. In fact, most of the songs that make me feel closest to God are probably not intended to have that effect on someone at all. 

"Shake It Out" is no exception.

The lyrics at the top of this little blip were what initially caught my attention. I was talking with my friend Mari last night at dinner about how I had never really thought about what incredible pertinence there is in Resurrection - not just in the actual Resurrection, but in the starting over that occurs in everyday life. Every day - hell, every second - is a chance to break from the old and start anew. And with those lyrics, I absolutely LOVE the imagery of deciding to be done with old ways, that "graceless heart", and to cut it out. 

To me, this song speaks not of having regrets for the past - never regret anything that has shaped you into the person you are - but the beautiful experience of recognizing that you want to change something about your life (and realizing that while something or Someone could have inspired you to do so, it's within your power to actually buck up and make the change). 

-

"And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope..."

In a totally non-dramatic way (I hope), that's the lyric that sums it up. That explains what I am finally ready to do in my life. 

I am ready to put to death the things, the feelings, the mindsets that have been holding me back from the kind of happiness I've really been praying for all these years. 

It has been, and will continue to be, hard (as He promised it would be), but I know the hope and the happiness that were also promised will be worth it all.

"It's always darkest before the dawn - shake it out..."

-

Here is another live performance of the same song (because I couldn't decide which version was my favorite)

And this one is just so pure. How amazing would it be to open your mouth and have that voice come out?!