"reaching out for a miracle"

Friends, I have a huge favor to ask of you all...

I have been blown away and inspired by the faith and strength of the women I've been fortunate enough to know in this little sphere of ours. 

So many have you have been faced with seemingly insurmountable odds, and yet your faith has not faltered. You have used the immense power of trust in God, and prayer to change reality and have seen the light at the end of even the longest tunnels.

And so I am extending that power, that community of support, to a friend of mine - if you would be willing to help.

-

Lissa and her husband Matt (and sweet baby Emily) go to church at Solid Rock with me. Though we only met a short time ago, you know within about 30 seconds of meeting them that they are the kind of people you want in your life. Their faith, generous spirits and sweet manner just envelope you. 

I  have simply copied an email Lissa sent out to our little house church hoping that passing it along will help create a giant net of prayer and support. 

We have all seen the power of prayer. We know it is the most vital tool we have. 

Please, if you get a chance, think of this amazing family in their time of need. I will pass along all comments and emails to Lissa.

I know it will mean the world to her.

grace + peace

________________________

Dear Church Family,

God intends for us to live in community, so I feel it is appropriate to share a burden that has been on my heart, and to ask for your prayer, knowing that God's got way bigger plans than anything I can figure out on my own.

My mom (her name is Anne) lives alone in Port Townsend, Washington. She raised me and my younger brother by herself after my dad left when I eleven. It was very important to her to be able to be at home for us and home school us, and that didn't change, amazingly, even after my dad left. We lived off very little with alimony and child support, but somehow, she always managed to make sure we had great opportunities and fun activities. I learned so much about faith during that time and how God is our provider no matter what, whether we are "earning" our income or He is providing it thoroughly through grace.

My mom, for the last 28 years, has also had to work around the trials and limitations of having chemical sensitivities. Around the time I was born, she became violently ill and became unable to handle being in proximity to chemicals of any kind. At first this was extreme--even car exhaust would cause her to have seizures. Today, she is doing significantly better, but still has adverse neurological reactions to things like garden fertilizer, week killer, and Lysol. This is part of the reason that she is living in Port Townsend, since it is a fairly environmentally conscious town, even though she would love very much to live closer to us especially with her first grandchild growing up so quickly. Chemical sensitivities, while listed with Americans with Disabilities for years, is largely not understood, and because of this, not much is ever done in the way of making the world a "safer" place for my mom.

The reason I am writing today is that my mom is literally going to be out of money this month or next (I think--she is never specific with this). When I say out, I mean completely out. She has been looking for a job for the last year to no avail. Part of the problem is that she would have to work in a place that could work around her limitations. The other problem is that she has limited qualifications since she has been out of the work place so long (she is a teacher--a really good one too). She also feels that the fact that she is 62 isn't helping the job prospects any.

Even in this, she has so much faith, and I am continually amazed by her. I want so badly to be able to help her, but even if I said she could move in with me, I don't think she would be able to live at my home (except maybe in the fall and winter) since I see so many of my neighbors spray their yards on an ongoing regular basis. Our own finances are tight, so moving to a different place that might be better for her where she could live with us is not really an option right now. And even then (this may sound bad) but I don't think living in the same house with my mom long term would be very good for our marriage. Still, though, I want to be able to help since she is my mom and I want to make sure she is going to be okay.

What I am asking is for prayer and for you to please send this email to anyone that God might be laying on your heart to share it with. I am not writing this to "force" a favor. I know God will ultimately take care of her. But you never know exactly how He will do it. So I am getting her story out there. You never know who's heart God may be preparing for exactly this kind of ministry opportunity.

Thank you for taking the time to read this...

Grace and Peace to you all,

Lissa

who i want to be

“Women who hope in God are women who look away from the troubles & miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and they focus their attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever He pleases.”


- John Piper -

bind my wandering heart to thee

At first, I wasn't sure whether or not to post this. 

I argued a couple different points to myself thinking "no, it's too personal" and "will people think I'm a total nut?". But ultimately, I realized that the reason I started this blog was to lay it all out, document this time in my life and in my faith, and share experiences hoping others will share theirs as well. 

And so with that, I'd like to share something I wrote in the early hours of Tuesday, 3 April 2012. I wrote this without thinking about the words pouring out, just opened a document and began typing, not wanting to forget what I felt like in that very moment. 

A simple telephone call out of the blue had, in so many ways, been a prayer for peace answered and the reassurance from God that if I could just let go of a situation and trust Him more than I wanted to - but so desperately needed to - amazing things would happen. 

So, if you'd like to read...

-

I am overwhelmed. I am completely consumed with disbelief in my believing how great God is and how He hears us and listens to us and answers our prayers, however long it takes. I am beside myself with such great joy that I don't know what to do, I can feel it bordering on something else entirely, completely overtaken with something I don't think I've ever experienced quite like this. I have no words. I am lost for them. Out of nowhere, complete nothingness, He calls my bluffs, He calls ME to stop doubting and stop fearing and when I tell Him that I can't, I just can't do it without Him, He hears me, in that honesty and childlike fear and hopelessness in everything but Him, and answers that call for help that only He can deliver. I don't know what to do. In the best way. On the outside it would seem that I've hit bottom, and maybe I have. Maybe this is what bottom looks like, because it is far too often that it's at that bottom He finds us and finally picks us up. 

I never want to forget what this feels like, even if things turn entirely the other way again, I want to hold on to this, this moment of perfect faith in Him, perfect so far as I can tell, on this level, in this human, imperfect and yet beautiful life. I don't know what I did to deserve this relief, no doubt it was nothing because I know what I deserve and it is certainly not relief, but grace... Oh, sweet, perfect grace, I can't repay. 

This is what falling in love feels like. 

Oh God... Thank you. 

"but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works"

He is risen!

-

This is a time for celebration and pure joy - 

take heart! He has overcome the world!

-

Happy Easter to all of you, your friends, and your family.

I don't think this day has ever meant more to me than this year, and I feel so blessed to be sharing it with some of the people I love most. 

Rejoice today - the impossible has been done. 

okay.

If you want a bit of a preface for this post, this would be a good place to start. 

If you want to just dive right into a pile of what it would look like if I took the contents of my brain, threw it in a blender with some blueberry yogurt and a handful of psychosis and topped it with a cherry, by all means...

-

How do you learn to just say that one little word:

okay.

How do you access the faith to be handed something so seemingly insurmountable and just take a deep breath of acceptance?

How did Jessi do it?

How did Diane do it?

How did Christ himself do it when he learned his entire purpose on this earth was to die hanging on a cross with nails in his hands and thorns on his head?

Short answer:

I have no idea. 

Long answer:

I lied. I do have an idea. And the answer is a pretty good one at that. The only problem is that it's not an easy answer.

And though by no means have I experienced loss on the same levels as the women I mentioned, there is no standard yardstick to measure pain and loss. We each feel it in our own ways. 

-

How do you separate what you want from what you want to want?

And when you are having trouble wanting that thing you want to want, how can you be sure that you're trusting your faith and saying "okay", and not just giving up?

Blerg. 

I've spent the past year learning more about my faith, learning more about why I believe, and learning how to adjust my thought process from thinking of my life solely as my own to knowing I want to live my life for something Greater. But with that has come the reluctance to release the reigns, so to speak. I spent so long thinking that it was all up to me that I developed a stubborn streak.

Now that stubborn streak is rising up, building to some cataclysmic end - or so I hope, anyway. Because I want that streak gone. I want to stop trying to control everything going on in my life, hoping I can change things to fit my own selfish wants and needs. I want to be able to, for the first time in my life, believe fully that God will take this one from me and do a far better job fixing it than I could. I want to trust Him completely. 

I want to say "okay" and mean it. 

How do I do that? 

If I want it so badly, and pray for it so fervently, why am I not filled with the peace of that kind of trust?

I see these women all around who are faced with something gut-wrenching and yet they are not to be broken. They take what has been hurled at them, they feel it, they seem to accept it and say okay. 

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

-

The thing that frightened me the most in the world happened almost one year ago.

It was something I thought would break me to pieces (and trust me, it came close) but on the contrary, I can feel it made me stronger. It brought me out of a shadow I didn't even realize I was living in and brought me closer to a God I want to trust with all my heart. 

I want to love God more than anything and I want to have faith that He will not let me fall. 

I want to say okay.  

an email on a rainy day

Hi Boo,

Just a moment to focus on you..and say how much I thank God for His entrusting your birth, and subsequent life to me. Remember what I have said before...a parent's  most important charge is to get their children to heaven. Let's get going!

Love,

Dad-n

-

Do I have an amazing Dad or what?

KONY 2012

I've been slow on the uptake.

It wasn't until last night that I finally took the time to learn more about this name I was seeing floating around:

KONY. 

Who?

Exactly.

My days have been ticking blissfully by, not knowing the name of the man who is literally the world's #1 war criminal.

And then I watched this video.

30 minutes have never seemed quite like 30 seconds before. 

If there's ever been a bandwagon worth jumping on, this is it.

We wonder why bad things happen. We wonder why no one does anything. We wonder how, in 2012, this is still happening.

Will it always be like this?

Maybe.

But is this our opportunity for hope? 

Absolutely. 

-

John Mark and his wife Tammy are in Uganda as I type this.

They are awaiting further word on whether or not the judge will grant them their adoption of their daughter.

One more child who has a chance to get out of that world and into a family, and a church, that already loves her more than they can bear. 

-

Prayer changes reality.

If nothing else, if you are unable to do anything else...

Pray.

To whoever you believe is listening.

Pray for the children. Pray for John Mark and Tammy. Pray for their daughter. Pray for the men and women fighting for justice. Pray for the cause.

And you know what?

Pray for Kony.

Because in its own way, it is heartbreaking that any human being could become the monster that he is.

And because the only true weapon against evil is goodness. 

Pray that, even in the last instant, this man might see the egregious error of his ways. 

Because if no one tries, nothing will change. 

an open letter

Dear Satan,

Just a quick note to let you know one thing: I'm on to you.

I know what you've been up to. I know that you're trying to bring me down. I know that you would love nothing more than to see me in ruins, broken, and turning my back on everything I hold dear and know to be true.

Well guess what?

It's not going to work.

You're fighting a losing battle.

That war has already been won. The victory has already been claimed. And to the victor has gone the spoils - my heart belongs to God. 

Don't you dare think for one second that I don't see you there, lurking in the darkest corners of my world, waiting to see if I'll take the bait; waiting to pounce when my defenses are at their weakest. 

Shows how little you know. 

No seriously, it just goes to show how truly small you are.

Don't you know that I am protected at all times? Do you really not realize that even when my guard is down, and my shield has been lowered, that there is a fierce defender at my back? One who watches over me, holds me in the palm of his hand and has promised to take care of me.

And you know what the kicker is? Every promise he has ever made me has been kept. 

Unlike you, great deceiver that you are, who takes pleasure in watching the failings of your word bring down soul after soul. Your callousness is matched by only one thing in this world:

His LOVE.

Anyway, I just thought it was high time you knew that your tricks won't work on me anymore. I know what you're trying to do by setting up these perfect opportunities to turn from the God I trust. And now that I know that, I can do the worst thing you could ever imagine - continue to love and trust my God. 

You will not break me. 

I will not give up. 

Nothing will tear me from the arms of the One who has kept me, not because of anything I have done, but because of EVERYTHING he has done. 

For me.

By grace.

-

You know, I feel sorry for you. 

I do.

Because you had that once. And you chose to throw it all away. 

What good has that done you? Do you not even appreciate the irony of it all? I mean, you must realize that we all know you're the most miserable creature in all of hell. We know how you must suffer, being so far from something so good. 

Of course, anyone would suffer knowing they will inevitably lose. Because I hate to break it to you, but good will always win out over evil. Always. 

Want to know why? 

Because the one thing I know for sure is that God is all powerful. God is Almighty. God is EVERYTHING.

And you, quite simply, are not. 

You are where you are because He put you there. 

What power do you think you have over that?

(I'll give you a hint: none)

So like I said, I just wanted to let you know that your sick plan isn't going to work. I've got the most powerful defense in the whole of the universe: Him. 

And there ain't nothing you can do to stop THAT. 

(Don't even try - you know how well that's gone for you in the past)

So I guess that's all I had to say. I'll let you get back to whatever it is you think you can do.

Oh, and one more thing?

Shove it.

Sincerely, 

Lauren

{guest post} kate from "daffodil's"

When I started blogging back in 2009, it was for my family. I had moved to another state and wanted a way to share my new life with everyone back home. It never occurred to me that there was a community out there and friends to be made!

About a year ago I began blogging more earnestly and in that got to know my fellow bloggers. Ladies and gentlemen, the beautiful Kate was one of those bloggers. Through sweet comments and heartfelt emails, she and I quickly found a wonderful and honest friendship that includes a love of love, a love of photography, a love of cute babies (seriously, have you seen her boys?) and a love of God (oh, and she is constantly posting pictures of everything I miss about California - and trust me, it takes a special kind of person to make me miss California!).

Something that it was always amazingly easy to talk to Kate about was faith. When I began opening up more about my own journey on my other blog Happenstance & Wanderlust, she was always an incredible champion; always there with words of encouragement and ceaseless support. 

And so today, I am truly beyond thrilled to let you all in on what she has been so kind to share! Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! And while I'm at it, thank you Kevin (Kate's husband) for all you've done and continue to do for our country!

Be sure to check out Daffodil's to get to know this awesome lady! 

-

Celebrating our little miracles: our first picture as a family of 4

Here is the truth:


I don't like talking about religion. It makes me uncomfortable- like sweaty palms, pit in my stomach, please-don't-ask-me-a-question-I-don't-know-the-answer-to uncomfortable. But the other truth is, I love what Lauren has to say. I love her blog, I love this blog, I love the friendship that has evolved between us over email and I love that her request that I come here to post today did not make me uncomfortable, it actually made me really excited. So because I have never really written about my faith {in a public forum} before and because there is still that part of me that is scared to do it, this may come off as a bit rambling, but I am honored to give my insight a shot here, in this space.

Why Religion Matters to Me {it felt right to start with a title}

I am what you call a cradle Catholic. I grew up Catholic, I spent 3rd-12th grade in Catholic school, both my parents and everyone in my extended family is Catholic; my husband is Catholic and we have had both our boys baptised in the Catholic faith, But I actually don't know a lot about Catholicism. If you ask me to name the intrinsic differences between Catholicism and other Christan faiths, I could probably give you a general idea, but no specifics. If you ask me to name my favorite bible quote, I cannot give you the exact chapter or verse. If you want me to convert you, I will not be able to give you the particular reason while you should.

*****

BUT there are things I can tell you: Catholicism works for me. We are a military family and that means we move a lot. It means my hubby has deployed to Iraq {twice} and that means our 'home' church is not the one we are likely to end up in. However, what I like about my faith is that no matter where I go, the ritual of mass is the same. I know I can walk in any Catholic church and know the order of things, the responses and I can hear my {and my mom's} favorite part: free us from needless worry and anxiety. 

*****

When I was 22 and engaged, the thought of getting married, and saying the most personal words that I could ever say in front of 300 people was terrifying. I wanted to get married at the courthouse and then have a party. My finance (only 25 at the time) reminded me how important it was to share this moment with God, and that really, it was just between us 3. We were making the sacrament of marriage and we needed to recognize it front of God for it really to be solidified. 


Our marriage was a sort of leap of faith. We dated long distance and then found out 3 months into our {6 month long} engagement that he got the one assigment we begged God not to give us, which landed him back in Iraq shortly after our planned wedding. 

*****

Making our commitment to each other and to God

So, we had our church wedding. Six weeks later, he left. It was hard. Fifteen months later, he came home and we moved in together for the first time. A month later, I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. Two years and a month later, I found out I was pregnant with our second.

*****

If God had answered our prayers we wouldn't be the family we are today. If he had let me move down to Savannah without feeling that 'Catholic guilt' of moving for a boyfriend, we might not have realized just how much we wanted to be together. If he had granted our desire to move to an Army post together first, then we would have never been stationed in Winston, and met the wonderful friends we met there. I wouldn't have gotten pregnant wtih our sweet Cullen, and subsequently, our baby Bennett, and well, I would have never re-met the friend {sorority sister} who introduced me blogging.


If he didn't get that assignment that we prayed so hard for him not to get, we wouldn't have continued to grow as a couple, to understand at a very young age how much work a relationship is, and to learn to early on to not take a day for granted. 

******

A few months ago, I came across Lauren's blog comment hoping from another. I told her that religion became another level of important when we had kids because we wanted 'to raise them in the way of forgiveness, humility and kindess'. That comment might be the most profond religious thing I have ever said. I believe everything about that quote encompasses what I believe about faith.

*****

We forgive eachother, and our children, for small mistakes which only help us grow as people.
We are humble in knowing that our plans were greatly outweighed by God's plans and, as it turns out, his were better anyways.
We try our best to be kind to eachother, therefore teaching our children how to be kind, and all at once realizing how kind God was to bring us together. 

******