back to happenstance, back to wanderlust

Sweet friends...

Can I begin by just telling you how much it means to me that you followed this little blog?

Truly.

When it began, it began as an outlet for posts about my faith because, truthfully, I was afraid to talk much about it on Happenstance + Wanderlust.

I don't know why. I think I was just worried too much about what people would think.

But really, as I kept writing and kept walking with Him, I realized that this wasn't about finding a way for God to fit into my life. It wasn't about finding a nook for Him to live in. 

(( and what's more amazing, SHE READS TRUTH came along right around the time I was putting this idea into motion and it was exactly what I was hoping for - an online community, not unlike a house church, where we could come together in Him and worship ))

More and more, God is my life. At least personally. And more and more, I am getting comfortable with letting people know that. I am becoming less and less afraid of stepping on toes, offending people simply by believing in God. 

And so with that, I am merging this blog back into H + W so that all this "God talk" is in its rightful place amidst the rest of my life. Where it should have been all along. 

So if you'd like to follow along - and all the same ideals will follow! - pop over to Happenstance + Wanderlust and join the family! 

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart and I hope to see you over at H+W!

GRACE + PEACE

"reaching out for a miracle"

Friends, I have a huge favor to ask of you all...

I have been blown away and inspired by the faith and strength of the women I've been fortunate enough to know in this little sphere of ours. 

So many have you have been faced with seemingly insurmountable odds, and yet your faith has not faltered. You have used the immense power of trust in God, and prayer to change reality and have seen the light at the end of even the longest tunnels.

And so I am extending that power, that community of support, to a friend of mine - if you would be willing to help.

-

Lissa and her husband Matt (and sweet baby Emily) go to church at Solid Rock with me. Though we only met a short time ago, you know within about 30 seconds of meeting them that they are the kind of people you want in your life. Their faith, generous spirits and sweet manner just envelope you. 

I  have simply copied an email Lissa sent out to our little house church hoping that passing it along will help create a giant net of prayer and support. 

We have all seen the power of prayer. We know it is the most vital tool we have. 

Please, if you get a chance, think of this amazing family in their time of need. I will pass along all comments and emails to Lissa.

I know it will mean the world to her.

grace + peace

________________________

Dear Church Family,

God intends for us to live in community, so I feel it is appropriate to share a burden that has been on my heart, and to ask for your prayer, knowing that God's got way bigger plans than anything I can figure out on my own.

My mom (her name is Anne) lives alone in Port Townsend, Washington. She raised me and my younger brother by herself after my dad left when I eleven. It was very important to her to be able to be at home for us and home school us, and that didn't change, amazingly, even after my dad left. We lived off very little with alimony and child support, but somehow, she always managed to make sure we had great opportunities and fun activities. I learned so much about faith during that time and how God is our provider no matter what, whether we are "earning" our income or He is providing it thoroughly through grace.

My mom, for the last 28 years, has also had to work around the trials and limitations of having chemical sensitivities. Around the time I was born, she became violently ill and became unable to handle being in proximity to chemicals of any kind. At first this was extreme--even car exhaust would cause her to have seizures. Today, she is doing significantly better, but still has adverse neurological reactions to things like garden fertilizer, week killer, and Lysol. This is part of the reason that she is living in Port Townsend, since it is a fairly environmentally conscious town, even though she would love very much to live closer to us especially with her first grandchild growing up so quickly. Chemical sensitivities, while listed with Americans with Disabilities for years, is largely not understood, and because of this, not much is ever done in the way of making the world a "safer" place for my mom.

The reason I am writing today is that my mom is literally going to be out of money this month or next (I think--she is never specific with this). When I say out, I mean completely out. She has been looking for a job for the last year to no avail. Part of the problem is that she would have to work in a place that could work around her limitations. The other problem is that she has limited qualifications since she has been out of the work place so long (she is a teacher--a really good one too). She also feels that the fact that she is 62 isn't helping the job prospects any.

Even in this, she has so much faith, and I am continually amazed by her. I want so badly to be able to help her, but even if I said she could move in with me, I don't think she would be able to live at my home (except maybe in the fall and winter) since I see so many of my neighbors spray their yards on an ongoing regular basis. Our own finances are tight, so moving to a different place that might be better for her where she could live with us is not really an option right now. And even then (this may sound bad) but I don't think living in the same house with my mom long term would be very good for our marriage. Still, though, I want to be able to help since she is my mom and I want to make sure she is going to be okay.

What I am asking is for prayer and for you to please send this email to anyone that God might be laying on your heart to share it with. I am not writing this to "force" a favor. I know God will ultimately take care of her. But you never know exactly how He will do it. So I am getting her story out there. You never know who's heart God may be preparing for exactly this kind of ministry opportunity.

Thank you for taking the time to read this...

Grace and Peace to you all,

Lissa

who i want to be

“Women who hope in God are women who look away from the troubles & miseries and obstacles of life that seem to make the future bleak, and they focus their attention on the sovereign power and love of God who rules in heaven and does on earth whatever He pleases.”


- John Piper -

bind my wandering heart to thee

At first, I wasn't sure whether or not to post this. 

I argued a couple different points to myself thinking "no, it's too personal" and "will people think I'm a total nut?". But ultimately, I realized that the reason I started this blog was to lay it all out, document this time in my life and in my faith, and share experiences hoping others will share theirs as well. 

And so with that, I'd like to share something I wrote in the early hours of Tuesday, 3 April 2012. I wrote this without thinking about the words pouring out, just opened a document and began typing, not wanting to forget what I felt like in that very moment. 

A simple telephone call out of the blue had, in so many ways, been a prayer for peace answered and the reassurance from God that if I could just let go of a situation and trust Him more than I wanted to - but so desperately needed to - amazing things would happen. 

So, if you'd like to read...

-

I am overwhelmed. I am completely consumed with disbelief in my believing how great God is and how He hears us and listens to us and answers our prayers, however long it takes. I am beside myself with such great joy that I don't know what to do, I can feel it bordering on something else entirely, completely overtaken with something I don't think I've ever experienced quite like this. I have no words. I am lost for them. Out of nowhere, complete nothingness, He calls my bluffs, He calls ME to stop doubting and stop fearing and when I tell Him that I can't, I just can't do it without Him, He hears me, in that honesty and childlike fear and hopelessness in everything but Him, and answers that call for help that only He can deliver. I don't know what to do. In the best way. On the outside it would seem that I've hit bottom, and maybe I have. Maybe this is what bottom looks like, because it is far too often that it's at that bottom He finds us and finally picks us up. 

I never want to forget what this feels like, even if things turn entirely the other way again, I want to hold on to this, this moment of perfect faith in Him, perfect so far as I can tell, on this level, in this human, imperfect and yet beautiful life. I don't know what I did to deserve this relief, no doubt it was nothing because I know what I deserve and it is certainly not relief, but grace... Oh, sweet, perfect grace, I can't repay. 

This is what falling in love feels like. 

Oh God... Thank you. 

"but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works"

He is risen!

-

This is a time for celebration and pure joy - 

take heart! He has overcome the world!

-

Happy Easter to all of you, your friends, and your family.

I don't think this day has ever meant more to me than this year, and I feel so blessed to be sharing it with some of the people I love most. 

Rejoice today - the impossible has been done. 

okay.

If you want a bit of a preface for this post, this would be a good place to start. 

If you want to just dive right into a pile of what it would look like if I took the contents of my brain, threw it in a blender with some blueberry yogurt and a handful of psychosis and topped it with a cherry, by all means...

-

How do you learn to just say that one little word:

okay.

How do you access the faith to be handed something so seemingly insurmountable and just take a deep breath of acceptance?

How did Jessi do it?

How did Diane do it?

How did Christ himself do it when he learned his entire purpose on this earth was to die hanging on a cross with nails in his hands and thorns on his head?

Short answer:

I have no idea. 

Long answer:

I lied. I do have an idea. And the answer is a pretty good one at that. The only problem is that it's not an easy answer.

And though by no means have I experienced loss on the same levels as the women I mentioned, there is no standard yardstick to measure pain and loss. We each feel it in our own ways. 

-

How do you separate what you want from what you want to want?

And when you are having trouble wanting that thing you want to want, how can you be sure that you're trusting your faith and saying "okay", and not just giving up?

Blerg. 

I've spent the past year learning more about my faith, learning more about why I believe, and learning how to adjust my thought process from thinking of my life solely as my own to knowing I want to live my life for something Greater. But with that has come the reluctance to release the reigns, so to speak. I spent so long thinking that it was all up to me that I developed a stubborn streak.

Now that stubborn streak is rising up, building to some cataclysmic end - or so I hope, anyway. Because I want that streak gone. I want to stop trying to control everything going on in my life, hoping I can change things to fit my own selfish wants and needs. I want to be able to, for the first time in my life, believe fully that God will take this one from me and do a far better job fixing it than I could. I want to trust Him completely. 

I want to say "okay" and mean it. 

How do I do that? 

If I want it so badly, and pray for it so fervently, why am I not filled with the peace of that kind of trust?

I see these women all around who are faced with something gut-wrenching and yet they are not to be broken. They take what has been hurled at them, they feel it, they seem to accept it and say okay. 

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

-

The thing that frightened me the most in the world happened almost one year ago.

It was something I thought would break me to pieces (and trust me, it came close) but on the contrary, I can feel it made me stronger. It brought me out of a shadow I didn't even realize I was living in and brought me closer to a God I want to trust with all my heart. 

I want to love God more than anything and I want to have faith that He will not let me fall. 

I want to say okay.  

an email on a rainy day

Hi Boo,

Just a moment to focus on you..and say how much I thank God for His entrusting your birth, and subsequent life to me. Remember what I have said before...a parent's  most important charge is to get their children to heaven. Let's get going!

Love,

Dad-n

-

Do I have an amazing Dad or what?